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Some people seem to have an instinct for creatively expressing their feelings through giving. Others find it difficult to convey their sentiments in the form of gifts. A variety of attitudes, practices, and motivations influence gift giving and have direct effect on the messages conveyed through gifts.  

Examining your motives and understanding the messages your gifts convey can improve your "giftedness" as a giver. Just for fun, print out copies of the exercise below. Complete the sentences or answer the questions by circling the letter preceding the response that most accurately describes your behavior or feelings. Then, go to the end of the exercise to discover which of four basic profiles best describes you as a giver.

1. The best reason for giving gifts is

1. to do the appropriate thing.

2. to please others.  

3. to make a favorable impression on others.

4. to receive gifts in return

2. When it comes to the cost of a gift,

1. money is no object.

2. I stay within my limits, buying as nice a gift as I can afford.

3. I spend as little as possible to get something that will do.

4. I sometimes spend more than I feel comfortable with, often regretting it later.

3. I usually give gifts that will

1. make a good impression.

2. do not cost much.

3. are useful and practical.

4. a person will enjoy but might not buy for himself or herself.

4. Which of the following factors do you believe has had the most influence on your gift-giving attitudes and habits?

1. Family traditions

2. Peer pressure and the expectations of others

3. Social customs

4. Financial constraints

5. I believe that a gift given by a group of people is

1. a good idea because a single item of greater value can be given.

2. not as personal as separate gifts.

3. a great way to save money.

4. not a good way to impress others.

6. When presenting a gift,

1. I do so with confidence that the recipient will like it because I have such impeccable taste.

2. I suggest it might be returned if it is not satisfactory.

3. I smile and say, "I hope you like it."

4. I apologize, saying, "I was going to give something else, but couldn't find it, didn't know what size . . . ."

7. If someone returned a gift I gave him,

1. I would be highly offended, because I have impeccable taste.

2. I wouldn't care because I don't put much thought into gift selections anyway.

3. I would be hurt because the gift I selected was not satisfactory.

4. I wouldn't mind because I prefer he have something with which he will be happy.

8. When it comes to giving gifts at the office,

1. I think a collection should be taken to purchase a nice group gift.

2. I believe it should not be done.

3. I think the right gift might ensure a promotion, a raise, or cooperation.

4. I prefer to select my own appropriate gift.

9. When it comes to gift wrapping,

1. I wrap gifts myself.

2. I generally have gifts wrapped at the store where they were purchased.

3. I try to wrap gifts in a box from an expensive department or specialty store other than where they were purchased.

4. I usually give unwrapped gifts.

10. I prefer to

1. present gifts at a time I can be alone with the recipient when he or she opens them.

2. present my gifts in front of a group and have the recipient unwrap them in the presence of others.

3. make gift-giving presentations as inconspicuous as possible.

4. present my gifts at an appropriate time and place.

11. Do you enjoy receiving gifts?

1. No, because when someone gives me a gift, I then feel obligated to reciprocate.

2. Yes, because gifts are a good indication of what others think of me.

3. No, because receiving gifts makes me uncomfortable and I am not always sure how to respond.

4. Generally, if they are appropriate for the occasion and the relationship, and the giver is sincere.

12. What do you think about gifts of money?

1. Giving gifts of money is not a good way to show your creativity and originality.

2. Giving gifts of money is probably inappropriate, but it eliminates the dilemma of deciding what to give and allows the recipient to purchase what she wants.

3. Giving gifts of money is generally acceptable if a person has indicated a need or desire for gifts of cash.

4. Giving gifts of money is okay if you can't think of anything else to give.

13. What do you think about handmade gifts?

1. Handmade gifts are great if you can't afford to buy something.

2. Handmade gifts are not appropriate under any circumstances.

3. Handmade gifts are generally the best gifts because the giver is giving a part of himself or herself.

4. Handmade gifts are appropriate only for close friends and family members with whose tastes you are familiar.

14. How much time and thought do you put into selecting a gift?

1. I usually get something that the recipient has requested to ensure a positive response.

2. I spend as little time as possible.

3. I like to spend a considerable amount of time so I can take into account the likes and interests of others.

4. I usually put off buying gifts until the last minute and end up purchasing the first thing that will do.

15. When it comes to holiday gift giving,

1. I think it is an excellent time to enjoy the spirit of giving.

2. I think that things are much too commercialized.

3. I exchange gifts with family members and keep items on hand to give to friends that bring an unexpected gift.

4. I believe it is a great time to improve relationships by giving carefully calculated gifts.

16. What do you consider appropriate thanks for a gift?

1. A verbal thank you is enough. Writing notes is a nuisance.

2. If you really want to impress someone, both verbal and written thanks are necessary.

3. A preprinted thank-you card with my signature is appropriate.

4. A handwritten note should be sent as soon as possible after the gift is received.

quiz key

On the lines to the right, enter the number of points that corresponds to your response for each question. For example, response "C" to question 1 is worth 4 points. Add the points to arrive at your total score. Then see the profiles that follow.

            1            A(2)            B(3)            C(4)            D(1)            _____

            2            A(4)            B(3)            C(1)            D(2)            _____

            3            A(4)            B(1)            C(2)            D(3)            _____

            4            A(3)            B(4)            C(2)            D(1)            _____

            5            A(2)            B(3)            C(1)            D(4)            _____

            6            A(4)            B(1)            C(3)            D(2)            _____

            7            A(4)            B(1)            C(2)            D(3)            _____

            8            A(2)            B(1)            C(4)            D(3)            _____

            9            A(3)            B(2)            C(4)            D(1)            _____

            10            A(2)            B(4)            C(1)            D(3)            _____

            11            A(1)            B(4)            C(2)            D(3)            _____

            12            A(4)            B(2)            C(3)            D(1)            _____

            13            A(1)            B(4)            C(3)            D(2)            _____

            14            A(4)            B(1)            C(3)            D(2)            _____

            15            A(3)            B(1)            C(2)            D(4)            _____

            16            A(1)            B(4)            C(2)            D(3)            _____

                                                            Total            _____

giver profiles

• Profile A (16—27 points). Avoiding gift-giving occasions whenever possible, you give just enough to get by when the exchange of gifts seems inevitable. Well, take heart. Because presents are never obligatory, you needn't swell with resentment when the next wedding, graduation, or birth announcement arrives. Gift giving will be more enjoyable if you focus on giving spontaneously to those persons you care most about and for the occasions in which you have a genuine interest.

• Profile B (28—39 points). Your heart is in the right place and your gift giving is generally motivated by a desire to do the correct thing (although you are not always sure just what that is). Having become somewhat mechanical in the process of gift giving, your gifts might be predictable and unimaginative. At times, you feel that your gift giving is stifled by financial limitations. Try to be more resourceful and creative and you will be well on your way to becoming a great gift giver.

• Profile C (40—51 points). As a gift giver, you are generous within your means and put a lot of time and thought into your gift selections. You believe gift giving is just another way to creatively express your feelings for others. Your gifts are carefully selected and presented at just the right time. They are often accompanied by personal notes. Because your gifts reflect an attentiveness to the needs and desires of others, many people consider you to be a perfect gift giver.

• Profile D (52—64 points). You might be trying too hard to impress others through giving and often spend more than you can afford, later regretting it. When gifts are given with strings attached, they might be interpreted as being manipulative in nature. Because your true feelings are seldom expressed in your gifts, others might not be sure what gifts from you mean. If you really want to make an impression on others through gift giving, choose presents sincerely and with consideration for the interests of the recipient.