There
is, of course, no single gift that is perfect for everyone, everywhere,
for every occasion. If such a gift existed, it wouldn't be long before
everyone had more of them than they could possibly want. We have
observed, however, that the best gifts share seven common
characteristics. Although volumes could be written about each of these,
we have succinctly condensed our observations in the paragraphs below.
(You're welcome!)
appropriateness
The perfect gift fits both the occasion and the
relationship. A sizzling love letter to your spouse for your twentieth
anniversary would tell her your romance is still hot! A treadmill to a
health and fitness buff for Valentine's Day would let him know your
heart is in the right place and that you support his second passion. A
hundred dollars to your distant nephew, you didn't know existed before
you received a graduation announcement, would allow him the option of
applying your graduation gift to his car loan, college education, or
investment portfolio. A tin of homemade Christmas cookies to a coworker
could be a thoughtful, innocuous gesture. Now, just for fun, let's
mix things up a little and see what could happen. A sizzling love letter
to a coworker could cost you your job. A tin of homemade Christmas
cookies to a health and fitness buff for Valentine's Day would give him
cause to wonder if you knew anything about his health concerns, or what
day it was. A hundred dollars to your spouse for your twentieth
anniversary might suggest that—after all these years—you still don't
know what would please her, don't care what would please her, or won't
take the time to find something that would please her. And finally, the
graduation of your long-lost nephew probably would not warrant such a
significant gift as a treadmill. Furthermore, not knowing of his
interests, such a gift could be very insulting. What if he's a confirmed
couch potato?
perceptiveness
Have you ever received a gift that makes you wonder if you are known
by the giver? "Doesn't he know I prefer silver rather than gold
jewelry? natural fibers to polyester? wildFlowers to roses?"
"Isn't it obvious, after all these anniversaries, that the
kitchen-gadget-of-the-year is not a fitting present?" The perfect
gift reflects the giver's attentiveness to the tastes and preferences of
the recipient. In essence, it's a compliment that says, "When I saw
this, I couldn't help but think of you!"
selflessness
Longfellow said, "The greatest grace of a gift, perhaps, is
that it anticipates and admits of no return." The perfect gift
reveals that the giver's only desire is to please the
recipient—expecting nothing in return. This "no-return"
policy includes any satisfaction the giver anticipates from the
observations of others about the extravagance of the gift or the
generosity of the giver. For example, if a man gives his wife a stunning
piece of jewelry only to impress his associates at the upcoming holiday
reception, to whom is he really giving the gift?
generosity
Two young boys went weeks without school lunch to give their mother
a strand of pearls. Not old enough to earn a wage, the resourceful boys
exercised what appeared to be their only option for obtaining the
necessary funds. Their sacrifice and generosity immortalized the gift.
Fortunately, in most cases the appropriate degree of generosity can be
exercised without squirreling away one's lunch money. Resource-full
gifts reveal how special the recipient is to the giver. Often,
endowments of the giver's time, effort, or creativity are the most
generous and memorable characteristics of a gift. Just remember to
balance your generosity with the nature of the relationship and the
occasion. Too much of a good thing could make the recipient feel
obliged, confused, or otherwise uneasy.
indulgence
It pampers, it humors, it appeases, it satisfies—the perfect gift says
there is something extraordinary about the recipient in the eyes of the
giver. After all, doesn't the gift of a lawn mower to Dad send a very
different message than the gift of a year's contract for lawn service?
The former emphasizes his utility in terms of his labor—and thus his
ordinariness. The latter shows you value his leisure—and thus his
specialness. A good question to ask when choosing a gift is, "Will
this gift make the recipient feel loved? Unique? Adored? Admired? Or
just like everybody else?"
surprise
Do you want to make her eyes widen? Make his chin drop? Render her
speechless? The perfect gift—or its presentation—is a
surprise. Careful and discreet planning can catch even the most
suspecting recipient off guard or turn an anticipated gift into one that
dumfounds. Try these tactics for perfect sneak attacks.
-
Give gifts
spontaneously. Don't wait for a
birthday, anniversary, or another special occasion. Why not give
gifts because it's raining, because she just finished reading War
and Peace, or because his favorite team just won the World Series?
-
Give gifts the recipient does not expect. When they
must be requested, gifts lose their surprise value. Since the
perceptive giver does not need to be told what the recipient wants,
the gift chosen is much more likely to be a surprise. From the
15-years-of-kitchen-gadgets husband, a surprise might constitute any
gift that is not a kitchen gadget.
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Present gifts cleverly. Clever packaging or
presentations can heighten suspense and make gift exchanges more
memorable. Who could forget the glistening engagement ring wrapped
in a bouquet of long-stemmed roses, especially when the memory is
evoked each year with the delivery of a similar bouquet to
commemorate the anniversary of the day she said, "Yes"?
Wouldn't the very scent of roses trigger the memory—for both of
you?
evocation
The moment of truth in any gift exchange comes when the recipient
responds to the giver's gesture—the audible gasp, the spontaneous
smile, the bittersweet or joyful tears, the loss for words to express
the feeling of being completely understood by the giver. The perfect
gift moves the recipient. It elicits an emotional response or evokes a
sentiment. The enthusiasm—or lack thereof—in the recipient's
declaration, "You really shouldn't have!" generally leaves no
doubt as to whether the giver has succeeded in finding a perfect gift or
whether her efforts could have been better directed.
Want to see where
you can find additional
gift ideas?
Have
any gift ideas you'd like
to share?