Q: When hosted
in someone’s home for the weekend, should you bring a hostess gift
with you, purchase and give it during your visit, or send it after
you return home?
A: Any of the
three times will do. Bringing the gift with you or purchasing it
during the visit assures it will arrive in the condition you
intended. And, you get to see the recipient’s response to your gift.
However, a gift purchased during or after the visit gives you the
opportunity to observe the recipient’s tastes.
Q: When hosted
by someone with whose tastes you are not familiar, is it better to
give a generic gift they can pass along if they don’t like it or to
wait until you are more familiar with their tastes and preferences?
A: It’s much
more thoughtful to give something you know the recipient will enjoy
than something they can pass along if they don’t. In the course of
your stay, you should be able to learn something about them that
might suggest an appropriate gift.
Q: Where do you
draw the line between a gift that will come in handy during a stay
and one that will put the host or hostess on the spot to use while
you are there?
A: Personally,
I prefer hostess gifts that can be enjoyed by the hostess after a
stay. It’s never good manners to put anyone on the spot or to
suggest how or when a gift should be used. You might ask ahead of
time if there is anything you can contribute, but it’s an imposition
to bring something the hostess has to “accommodate.”
Q: Some of the
hostess gift ideas on which there is contradictory advice (good
gift/bad gift) are plants, chocolate, wine, wine glasses, cookies,
and homemade food. If you don’t know the person well enough to know
whether they are an alcoholic, on a diet, have a green thumb, etc.,
do you favor staying away from such gifts, or giving them anyway?
A: There are no
good gifts/bad gifts, per se. The same gift might be perfect for one
recipient and awful for another. For example, cookies are a great gift to a friend
with a sweet tooth and a horrible gift to a friend with diabetes.
The only safe and thoughtful thing to do is to find out something
about the recipient before choosing a gift for him or her.
Q: If you
deliver your hostess gift in person, are you still required to send
a thank-you note?
A: That might
depend on whether or not you ever want to be invited back. Some of
my favorite “gifts” are thoughtful notes from dinner and house
guests. These are remembered long after the flowers are wilted and
the chocolates consumed.
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