Q: Would photos
of white frangipani be appropriate on a sympathy card to the family
of a young East Indian girl who died in a car accident? At this
time of great sorrow, I do not want to make an inadvertent social
blunder.
A: I’m sorry to
hear of this tragic loss. According to my research, frangipani is
reserved for funerals in India, where it is known as the Tree of
Life. A branch cut from the tree will continue to blossom, as if to
represent the soul’s infinite journey. I can’t think of a more
fitting and beautiful sentiment in this time of unspeakable grief.
Q: Is it
appropriate to give a visiting Korean client a nice umbrella as a
gift?
A: There are
two reasons I would consider giving something other than an umbrella
to your Korean client. The first is that Korea produces a good
number of umbrellas and even holds the patent on a nifty rotating
umbrella. The second is that the Japanese occupation of Korea (1910
to 1945) is referred to as The Black Umbrella. I don’t know whether
or not this created any sensitivity in respect to the giving of
umbrellas (unless, perhaps it’s a black umbrella from a Japanese to
a Korean), but why risk it?
Q: I have a
difficult gift-giving situation. I’m an American (New Yorker,
Jewish) traveling to Singapore to meet the parents of my girlfriend.
Although we have known each other only six months, it is rather
serious and I have already started shopping for a ring. Her parents
(ethnic Chinese) are rather comfortable and have most everything
they might want. I, in turn, want to make a good impression without
being ostentatious or extravagant. Suggestions?
A: Yours is a
challenging question since gift giving in that part of the world can
be a delicate matter. You’re on the right track in wanting to avoid
being ostentatious or extravagant. You might enlist the aid of your
girlfriend to find a suitable piece of artwork or book her parents
would enjoy. A coffee table book about New York or a small sculpture
by a local artist would serve initially as a conversation starter
and later as a visual reminder of you and your visit.
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